The chick in the cube next to mine just found out that one of her cohorts is getting married. I'm listening to her make false-giddy phone calls about the hot gossip to all the rest of her friends, and to all the women in the office. Cue the usual valley girl drivel, tinged with venomous wedding envy. Also overheard that the suckers in question only met each other recently, are both barely 23, and one lives in Canada. They're in luuurve. Bahaha. If i weren't so amused by the stupidity of the situation, i'd be feeling stabby about having to hear about it.

Doodley-do, less than six days left.

The other night, I dreamt my bed was outside in the yard, and a parade of strange animals were rustling around in the blankets while I was trying to sleep. These were not, however, your run-of-the-mill critters. One such beastie had me in fear for my toes, and looked something like a toothy crocodile with fur and a long tail. It was trying to bite some of the other varmints that were hiding under the blankets. In my dream, I identified it as a Skink. Another beastie looked like a hedgehog crossed with a popple, and had rolled itself up in a ball under the bed. This one seemed more mild-mannered, and had soft, tawny fur.

When i woke up the next morning Matt told me he'd gotten up in the night to investigate some strange noises (thinking Ugmoe was up to no good, or working on one of his "projects" in the other room) and discovered a troop of raccoons playing just outside our bedroom window.

Racccons are cute, as are rabbits, but I would very much like to meet a real-live Skink.

The stupid chicks in the cube next to mine are talking about Facebook, trying to decide whether to keep their profiles. Ohmigod, this stupid group? They messaged me, and I don't even like them. They keep trying to add me as their friends. It's so not worth it. Are you keeping yours? Oh, me too! OMIGOD. We should go out drinking tonight.

Before that, they were lamenting the state of their pedicures. They both went to the same spoiled bitches college in Connecticut that my boss went to, and they're all like the Mafioso of Complete Drivel.  I'm surrounded on all sides.

Nine days. nine days.

hmm, clean. refreshing. sweet. The blog version of a mojito.

...or Ladylike Lager, whichever you prefer. Actually, which would you prefer?

I'm thinking about learning to brew beer, and perhaps brewing beer pretty seriously. Allow me to explain. I have a deep and abiding love for a good pint. This makes sense, since I live right up the street from Doyle's pub, one of the oldest standbys in the Boston area. I also happen to live just above the Stonybrook valley in Jamaica Plain, which was once home to a multitude of excellent breweries before Prohibition came around. At one point there were more breweries in Boston than anywhere else, and back in the day of the Boston brewmasters beer was made to considerably higher standards, and it was unheard of to drink pisswater for any reason (even to be ironic, hipsters!), and now that brewing craftsmanship is back in style. Beer has flavor again. This makes me happy. Being a craftswoman and a gourmet myself, and a bit of a history maven to boot, I find this whole thing to be really fascinating.

So on Saturday, Matt and I decided to take a tour of the Sam Adams brewery (also in our neighborhood), to get an idea of the process. It's actually remarkably similar to the art of brewing tea, in that the barley goes through a similar roasting and fermentation process as fresh tea leaves, in order to attain the different varieties of flavor. Of course there's a lot more chemistry involved with the addition of hops, yeast, hot water, and timing after that, but still it's not altogether different than making a big batch of assam or oolong. And i know I can brew tea, so why not beer? So I sampled some hops and barley while we were there, made some mental notes, and decided to become a brewmistress myself.

Oh, and the best part of the tour was at the end, when we got to sit in the
sampling room and taste some different brews. For free, yo. The Marzenbrew rocks, btw, we'll have to keep an eye out for it when it's released in September. Afterwards (feeling slightly buzzed in the early afternoon) we brought home these nifty pint glasses and tried them out at home. They do make the beer taste better! It's science.

So here's the plan: I'm going to do a little reading between now and early july, and on one of my free days I'm going to mosey down to the brewery to take a closer look and pester some of the people who know beer. I'll have to find out if it's possible to take a class somewhere so I get all my techniques straight. After that, I'll get the ingredients together and set up in our spacious basement. The local spider population will be thrilled.

But here's the idea: I know a few women, like myself, who do in fact enjoy beer. However, most chicks don't, and usually they complain of the bitterness and only drink it if it's either light or some fruity malt concoction. Blargh. What i learned from brewing tea is that while some women enjoy a straight-up black Assam or a grassy Gyokuro (like me), they generally tend to go more for sweet brews with vanilla, chocolate, cinnamon, or fruit notes. I believe i can make quality beer, as fine as my predecessors in the Stonybrook valley, as excellent as any award-winning microbrewer, and use my culinary abilities to finesse the flavor and make it appeal to my fellow ladies. Why not? At the very least female brewers seem to be a rarity in the industry, so I'll give it a whirl. I'm going to take my new brew in a girlie direction and make Chick Beer. No Boys Allowed! hahaha.

Even Matt is excited. i don't know whether it's because he's proud of me for wanting to be a creative brewmistress, or just because he likes the idea of having a  fresh supply of good beer on tap in his basement.

So what should i name my first batch?