October 12, 2003
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Apple Jacks
At the moment I am enjoying a lovely bowl of cereal. I especially like apple jacks because they come in a vivid green box which is not entirely unlike the color of my blog. Green is nice. The other thing I like about apple jacks is that they in no way whatsoever have anything to do with apples, and have no intention of trying to be anything remotely multi-grain or chock full of vitamins, with stuff like little freeze-dried blueberry turds or hippie-granola crunchies floating around in them.
However, I am a little disturbed by a recent development in my cereal box, which is these little blue weenusy poo-shaped things they claim are supposed to be “blue carrots.” At first I was a bit taken aback by the little crunchy blue doos in my bowl; then it occured to me how phallic they are, and their obvious correlation to the holes in the loopier part of my cereal. What perverteer at Kelloggs came up with this?! And what the hell is a blue carrot?
But then I reminded myself, “These are apple jacks. You are thinking like a simple-minded grownup. Kid cereal is supposed to be wierd, and you ought to know better.”
So I decided to investigate the evil mastermind behind all this.
At the kellogg’s site, which is just as wickedly green as the box, mayhem was on the loose. There was a big stupid fake blog about the thrilling development behind the “blue carrot” promotion, allegedly written by some empowered “secret agent” kid working for kelloggs. The scariest part was the little pop-up screen where you can leave feedback, which basically means that the cereal company can steal as many brilliant ideas from its young customers, and not give anybody due credit. Jerks. And then there’s this little bit of hype about the rampant sucess of blue carrots, and how this proves that “kids can make a difference” by speaking up for the things they want. Bah! All this time and thought wasted on blue cereal poo! This is exactly how children end up growing into warped little consumer-whores, fussing about which color SUV to choose and where the nearest Gap outlet is. Making a fricking difference in the world, my pootang.
Cereal makes me so angry, sometimes.
Comments (1)
Hmmm, if you squint at the “blue” in blue carrot it looks like “blut” which sounds like Butt, hence the ASS reference I’m assuming for the poo… tho it’s totally blue poo. Does it taste pooey? Does it turn yer tongue blue or a weird shade of aqua? I’m thinkin we should do some experiments fer fun.. like take all the turds out an make blue turd cereal an take a poll of who thinks this is appetizin….I wonder if the perverteer is pent up? blue balls… blue phalic cereal turds. Sounds like a highy confused butt-sex obsessed freak show to me. WHY do they have to mess with a childhood staple of fond memories? Stupid Kellogs crack whores. Damn, now I’m peeved…. heeheehee