Pseudo Love Intrest.

Okay, I need to figure out how to wrap my mind around this turn of events. We're way past triangles here, this is like romantic fractals on a rampage.

The synopsis :

First I  leave the man I was sure I would marry, and immediately end up with a philosopher code junkie who knocks me head over heels, but despite my most valiant efforts eventually slams the proverbial door in my face. I should have kicked his ass while I had the chance, but now i just want my book back. Recovery took a day or two (remember that moony wednesday thing with Fiona?) but I got back up, burned a new mix for my headphones, and shone foxy all over town. Met up with a botched love interest at an opening, had tea and flirted, that was it. Felt sassy after finale, made eyes at every man in the Theatre district, including an impromptu kudos to a cute creature outside of Mistral in b&w wingtips.  Now I have a date next friday with a guy I went to highschool with, a friend of a friend of the former fiance (how am i going to swing that one at parties? dare i ask?) who likes the same stuff I do, has no desire to get too deep, thank god, and lives a block away from the place I grew up. Pretty convenient. And he's rather handsome.

But....

I'm still going to Colorado, and no man is going to stop me now.

           The fire in leaf and grass
           so green it seems
           each summer the last summer.

           The wind blowing, the leaves
           shivering in the sun,
           each day the last day.

           A red salamander
           so cold and so
           easy to catch, dreamily

           moves his delicate feet
           and long tail. I hold
           my hand open for him to go.

           Each minute the last minute.

denise levertov

Miles Away

I want you and you are not here. I pause
in this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer
than the words I have you say you said before.

Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold your closer, miles away, 
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,
into memory. The stars are filming us for no one. 

..........

Words, Wide Night

Somewhere on the other side of this wide night 
and the distance between us, I am thinking of you.
The room is turning slowly away from the moon.

This is pleasurable. Or shall I cross that out and say 
it is sad? In one of the tenses I singing
an impossible song of desire that you cannot hear.

La lala la. See? I close my eyes and imagine
the dark hills I would have to cross
to reach you. For I am in love with you and this 

is what it is like, or what it is like in words.

-CAROL ANN DUFFY

I think someone must have snuck some love potion #9 in my oj this morning, because I'm all feisty. I think i just like everyone on the planet today, and it's a nice feeling. I'm naturally high on springtime. I think I've overdosed on the color green. The music in my mind is wet and thrumpy and bright. The possibilities are endless. Oooh la la.

So now i'm totally in love, and all I want to do is hop in the jeep and go, go, go  until I can make up for all the lost time and regret and stagnation I've been tolerating for so long. Tear up the horizon line a little bit. Let wanderlust have it's way with me. Scream at the sky and such.

One thousand nine hundred and sixty six miles away from here.....not so very far.

Things to pack:

Some roadmaps

A big ass knife

Comfy jeans

Equally comfy sweater

Undeniably sexy low cut tank top*

Toothbrush

Compass

Little black dress*

Hiking boots

Hope and Longing

Strappy heels*

Camp stuff

Binocs

Plenty of road music

Sketchbook

Camera

Red lipstick*

Books: Quantum Theory, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Griffin and Sabine

Blanket

Snackies

*  (for when i get where i'm going)

Here is a photo of me from the art room the other day, after a lesson with one of my students on digitally altering black and white images. We then designed album covers with the finished pics, adding text and crazy filters.

 

Oh yeah, getting gorgeous and going to finale with the ladies tonight.....who knows what will happen? This is, after all, the prime spot for the bestest creme brulee and the most beautiful waiters in boston.....mmmm, sugar......

Feeling mighty feisty. Maybe i should wear my new sneakers......

who's there?!?

Today i am wearing a bright blue shirt. It's really really blue.

I wanted to face down the education supervisors this morning with all the color i could get my shoulders into, just so they'd know that noone else can work color and teach art like i can. I think i got the job. I looked sassy.

Then i went to Tai Chi, and my blue became light on snow, sky over mountains, a stretch of silk around a geisha's waist, grace.

Then a guy called me up, and my blue morphed into stuff still unknown, and what's gonna happen this summer since i am free to do as i damn well please. Date for friday? sure thang.

and blue like like unrequited love, in the shadow of a mountain. I'll get there somehow.

But never never blue again like last wednesday. Strange how a week can change the hue. 

okay, there is an embarassing dearth of art on this thing. gotta do something about that.

I went to see the XMen movie and decided i want a superhero boyfriend. Who can beat people up. With big claws like wolverine. Who adores me. Is that too much to ask?

Or even better, i could go to colorado and find the real thing. Just when i needed him, too. My hero.