April 5, 2005

• whoo-bah.

  dunno, just felt like saying that.

  Last night I walked home from Harvard Square. Wait! let me repeat that, just to savor the typewritten sound of it...walked...home ...from Harvard.
  Oh, yes. 
  I can't decide if it's because of the Harvard bit -I'm meandering
  distance from the neighborhoods I like- which have more than a little
  history and sentimental value in my life- or if it's because I finally
  have a place of my own somewhere, where I can wander home on a spring
  afternoon.
  I walked down little cambridgey side streets with close-knit green and
  yellow houses and teensy lawns, a used bookshop, the chatter of
  sparrows in the branches overhead, damp sidewalks, lopsided telephone
  poles, a broken chair left on the curb.......past the house on Albion
  St where I got my first taste of urban life.....the playground where I
  used to go, my first time walking by myself in the city. When I walk
  here, I am walking home, but walking through my thoughts and memories.
  I could grow to love it here.

  I am homesick for Jamaica Plain sometimes. But it's the way you feel
  homesick for something you can't go back to, and I know JP isn't the
  same. My life, the way it was- is  now 98% percent altered. I
  haven't written much because I have no idea how......so much has
  happened.......I
  still have a chaise and a guinea pig, that's about it. I tried to move
  back  to JP for a little while, but it seemed like everything was
  fighting against me being
  there.  Move on, the world was telling me, you won't find your
  sanctuary in this place anymore. I could be really angry about it, I
  guess. The broken-hearted bit, being
  kicked out of my home and treated like a pariah, having to put most of
  my belongings in storage, all the bitter, psychotic, extreme, nasty
  people who
  tried to get in my way, all the days I wanted to give up,  be just
  as cold and mean as everything else, and not give
  a freaking damn anymore. Yargh.

  But then again, there are the people who stuck by me. I think about
  them, now that it's springtime again, and on my long walk home I
  realized that all these tribulations put me right where I ought to be.
  I missed the bus one day, and even though it made me fifteen minutes
  late for something insignificant, I was there at the right time waiting
  for Tristen to walk around the corner and say hello. Things happen the way they ought to, I suppose.

  So I walked home from Harvard Square yesterday and thought about
  things. I plunked down on my chaise lounge and watched the rest of the
  spring afternoon dissolve into evening. Tristen came home with a flower
  for me, fed me some salad, and later scooped me up from my nap and
  snuggled me back to sleep.

  Home, again.

  • 11:38 am
  • 1 Comment