I Sold My Soul to
I am not a person who rents videos. Left to my own devices and faced with the dillemma on what to do on a quiet, rainy-boring evening, I would more likely sit in my room and knit something ugly while listening to bad hip hop, or fall asleep face down on my bed with my jeans on, or make a grilled cheese sandwich and stare at the wall, or write something goofy on Xanga. It wouldn't even occur to me that there is a rental place up the street, nevermind a television in my livingroom (which belongs to my roomate), nevermind a whole world just waiting for my own unique style of kung-fu ruckus.
Oh yes, I am sooo exciting.
I blame Bryon. He likes to watch movies. He calls me up after school and leaves me little messages about all the super-fun we ought to be having on any given evening, so then we have to brainstorm ways to not be a boring couple of homebodies. I usually suggest going to a pub or cooking something wierd or going to Krispy Kreme in the dead of the night or playing with fingerpaints (not like that, you kink-mongers!). But we are so clever, insrtead we figured out that there is this funky little dumpy video rental place right up the street on our sad little main drag. Which we can walk to! And never ever leave our neighborhood! Ever!! which is next to a take-out joint which is called Same Old Place, which for us it happens to truly be. So we go there, and eat pizza most nights. Oh yes, together we are unstoppable. Look out, Metro-Boston and surrounding suburbs, we are a nightlife force to be reckoned with!
The thing is, the sad little dumpy place has no movies. I mean, yeah, you can rent the matrix there, or a star-trek movie, or an incoherent foreign film, or a cheesy cult B-movie from the eighties. This grand selection is mostly because the employees are geeks who look like they live in their mothers basements and the locals who are customers are Jamaica Plain mod- rocker indie kids who think they need to live deeper Underground. Because, as we all know, the more obsure your tastes, the cooler you must be.
I would also like to mention that my upstairs neighbors are anarchists, which I refer to as "The Anarchists Upstairs" in reference to their antics. But I digress.
So B and I stomp around Dumpy Videos once in a while hunting for something to entertain ourselves with, and I think the last time we were there we rented some obscure 80's thing, the second Matrix, and as an extra treat, some movie which looked something like Star Trek. All the while grumbling about there being nothing good to watch. I wanted to rent a cartoon from the "family" section that had an intriguing and vibrant plot about hamsters and an evil wizard, but I was summarily vetoed. Some people have no taste.
At any rate, this sort of pathetic selection finally wore thin. One night we actually were Going! Somewhere! Else! Like not Where We Live! Outside!!! And we drove past a Blockbuster. Blockbuster is evil. I don't really know why, but i think it is something in the same category as Wal-Mart and Starbucks, whom I innately loathe. So I made some sort of hacking, scoffing, snorting noise in my general disdain of its corporate presence, and the next thing i knew we were in the parking lot, and then inside for some reason, and poking around looking for movies. I don't recall the details.
"Do you have a blockbuster card?" Bryon asked, picking up a copy of the matrix.
"Nope," I said, absently staring at the blue and yellow sign.
"Maybe we should get one," he said.
The next thing i knew we were renting a star-trek movie (?!?) and i had forked over my credit card and ID, and scored both of us a place in Hell, or at least some very serious Purgatory. I am already going to hell, though, for making fun of the cranky midget in the hardware store, so I guess it doesn't matter at this point.
This was the night before last. Last night, we went BACK AGAIN, and rented two more movies. Eventually we have to go back another time, because we have to return those at some point. And this is the evil genius behind it all. This Blockbuster is just slightly remote enough that it takes some ten-minute vehicular effort to get there, so simply going to drop something off is not quite worth a trip in itself. So you have to validate your presence by getting something else to watch. Cunning. Very very cunning.
I am on to you, Blockbuster! You won't defeat me!
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