November 22, 2003
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Fred Might Be From Texas
In my ongoing battle with Comcast, my internet has become a temporary casualty. Evil bastards! Fear me and my relentless fury!
So in the meantime, I get to sit in Bryon’s Ugly Chair and type stuff. Except that i don’t have much to write about, but a sense of obligation to my public and the creeping sensation of internet withdrawal is somehow keeping me here.
Um.
I remember lying around last Sunday theorizing about the systems of my ongoing melancholy. My inner ecologist pulled out her microscope, took a few mental pH tests, and scaned my existence for inherent biodiversity. The current hypothesis is something about a long- term parasitic relationship with this thing (I call him “Fred”) who has coexisted in my biological realm for a long-ass time. Like any true parasite, this Fred-specimen lives off its host-animal (me), by nature slowly debilitating it without immediately destroying the source of its survival. In response, the parasitic victim develops systems to protect itself and thwart the parasite in order to prolong its survival. Biologically speaking, it’s a battle of wills and ongoing adaptations. So while I often have vulnerable days in which Fred sits on my head like a gloomy vulture, over the years I have developed tactics for self-preservation, like wearing green sweaters, being in love, going to new restaurants, buying lip gloss, stealing music,drawing pictures, or taking naps. Which makes my existence apparently like anyone else’s, except that i partly do everything i do just to smother the stupid thing a little more and buy myself some time. I’m a tough, sneaky animal.
Rest assured, I will not be painting my blog black and bemoaning my paltry existence any time soon. Angst is boring. I’m certainly not despondent in any way shape or form, just trying to be aware of my personal ecology.
In other news, I recieved an offer to fly to Texas for Thanksgiving. I’ve been mulling it over this week, not to seriously decide whether or not I ought to go, but what exactly the implications of such an offer might mean. Now, in any ordinary circumstances it would not be unheard of to accompany someone to another state on an airplane to eat some turkey, but the thing becomes a little awkward when:
- this person is one of my dearest friends, yet
- said traveling companion is a former and still unresolved love interest;
- has offered to pay full fare and boarding for the pleasure of my company (overnight?);
- is fully aware that I am happily ensconced in a blissful romance with another person;
- is subtly attempting to subvert aforementioned romance with nostalgia and flirtation;
- is being a generally sketchy character all around, although most behavior has been forgiven in the intrest of comraderie and friendship;
- and NO WAY IN HELL AM I EVER SETTING FOOT IN TEXAS (again).
The thing is, I know better than to really think anything of it, because it’s barely a threat and I’m pretty sure the offer was made in idle impulse. But still, it tweaks my consternation just a little.
I was having visions earlier of being put in charge of Thanksgiving dinner this year, since the other members of the Coven are a bit under the weather. Then I thought about having my mashed potatoes scrutinized by the ever critical elder wiznatches, and i thougt i might keep my turkey to myself. I will have to save my culinary self-justification for another year, when the matriarchs least expect it. At least Bryon appreciates my cooking.
Okay, my brain is empty now. No more things to say.
Comments (1)
You were still invited to mine…. I get it. I get the avoidance, and perhaps it’s for the better. C’est La vie I suppose me deer. We all have our paths and sometimes they need to be apart. I mis you tho.