August 26, 2003
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GRRRR.
I was just really mean to Nick, and I feel bad. For some reason I feel distracted and irate and agitated tonight, and I can’t focus. I’ve been wanting to talk to him because I’ve been missing his company lately, and all these confusing things have happened in the past week. I like being around him, I’d almost forgotten. But instead, brilliant me, I decided to be rude to him and make him leave.
There is too much angst in this house, and it’s getting to me. I came back from New Mexico glowing from head to toe, and all of my friends and more turned out to wish me a happy day yesterday. But by ten o’clock I just wanted everyone to leave. I love them, but I don’t feel like there’s room for me to share how happy I am, even if I knew how to describe it, and then who wants to listen? There’s nothing more boring and annoying and silly than listening to a happy and in-love person gush about their bliss when there are serious issues immediately at hand. Like those aforementioned friend-cestuous dodecahedrons. Big important deal.
I wish Bryon were not a million miles away. I know perfectly well how to make myself happy again, but everything seems right with the world when he’s near me, and all the really beautiful and important things come clear. I have to find my way until then.
Comments (1)
Truth is… it’s not boring or silly to hear somone you love so happy and giddly in love… in fact it gives hope and that glow rubs off, if even for an hour or so. I’m sorry I “dropped my basquet” at at time when you have finally been heaped with happiness… timing is everything I guess. But know that you can always share your joy… because it’s the best part of friendship… the bonus. Your friends problems aren’t yours snotface, so call me an tell me more about your bliss… it makes me smile to know you’re content with Bry.